Commitment to the Process

DelaBeachOpen2019.jpg

When you’re competitive and all you want to do is win and NOW, staying committed to the process can be tough. Inevitably you will have ups and downs. It is after the disappointments that this commitment is hard, obviously. The impulse to scrap everything and start over because “apparently everything you’ve been doing is wrong” seems very logical while seeing red, but it is something I’m trying to be consciously better about.  If I look at what I believe will be the period of time between when Alix and I started our journey and when we will get to our destination, it doesn’t make sense to train one way with one intention in mind for a little while and then switch it because of an unsatisfactory result. It’s denying my outcome oriented mind in favor of the more logical and self-serving process oriented method. Fake it til you make it right??

Like I said, I want to win yesterday already, which is appropriate considering our tournament in the Hague last week. I love this tournament. It’s in an amazing city, we stay in a cute hotel with a great breakfast, in the city center, get to wear warm cozy clothes to and from the venue. The venue is STATE OF THE ART, it’s heated, the sand is great, center court feels like you’re at a concert, and if all that wasn’t enough, it has working toilets and warm showers for when we’re done competing! (it’s the little things!) AND it’s over New Year’s, and in the Netherlands THEY GO FOR IT. We may not participate (too busy taking shelter), but their firework policy is absolutely nuts. I won’t even attempt to describe it, but you should really check out this video, promise it’s worth it-  How to Survive Dutch New Year’s Eve

So anyway, despite all the amazingness surrounding this event, the fact that we had a mediocre ending has definitely left me with a bad taste in my mouth. We ended up in fourth place, which, even though it’s better than any place below it (and had we gotten one of those finishes I might be wishing for a fourth), it’s not a fun result. In the semis we drew a young good Brazilian team that we beat in the finals of our last tournament in China, but we weren’t crisp enough down the stretch to pull it out despite being up a few points at both technical timeouts. Ok ok, now you gotta get over it, get fired up again, and play the bronze medal match. Some teams pooh-pooh the bronze medal match, but that was never an option for us, we knew the importance of the match and for many reasons really wanted to win. 

We convincingly won the first set, probably with our serving to passing ratio. One thing you should know about indoor beach volleyball (and this is with the Mikasa ball) is you are able to serve the crap out of the ball and it can drop on a dime for no reason, it requires a sharply increased reaction time compared to outdoor beach. I would bet there were more aces in this tournament than any other tournament all last season. In the first set against the Finnish that worked in our favor. We were able to fight off their serves and we got more aces than they did. I have to think they realized that, because they then stepped up their serving and passing game and outdid us in that category for the rest of the match, and it showed. 

There are a lot of factors involved in those two losses, some will not be an issue again until the next indoor beach tournament (The Hague is the only one as of now), some just come and go as is natural in sport, and some were completely under our control.  Some had to do with preparation, some with our mental approach- not necessarily bad, but maybe wrong. Either way, wether I can control what went wrong or not, one thing is for sure: I’m extremely motivated to move forward, fix what went wrong, and make sure the next time we have a chance to medal we take it. There’s just something different about the motivation inspired by a loss versus a win, no matter how hard you try to maintain it after the latter.

So the challenge now is how do we stick to the long term plan, trust the process, and still fix what we feel went wrong? 

Find perspective– Look at the timeline from where you started to where you want to go as a linear line in your mind. It’s probably decently long, if not never-ending. How much importance do you want to assign what happened during a blip on this timeline? How crucial was it really? If say, your New Years resolution was to eat healthier, but you end up going HAM on left over Christmas cookies one night, how detrimental is that really to your end goal? If you jump right back on the wagon believing you haven’t sabotaged your end goal, you’re going to be in much better shape. 

Trust the people we have put around us– We have a lot of people helping us, and to come back and say, “nothing we were doing worked! We need to completely change our training!” (which I have done before to my chagrin) What is the point of working with these people? We should feel comfortable asking for small adjustments, but if the long term plan has been mindfully created, regardless of short term outcomes along the way, we need to trust the effort these people have put into our goals and the process of getting there.

Study, study, study– The best way to fix what you feel went wrong while sticking with the plan and trusting the process is to watch video of yourself and learn from your mistakes! Not everything is a result of bad technique or lack of preparation, etc. Maybe you will notice something that in the end is really easy to correct, maybe it’s as simple as changing one of your cues. Also I find that by studying others it gives me ideas of things I can try within our training, without changing basic strategy, that may help me improve. Outside of volleyball this can be translated into ‘knowledge is power’.  Research what you’re trying to get better at, the more we know about how to get to our goals, the more tools we will gain to help us get there.

Practice acceptance– Most of us competitive perfectionists beat ourselves up after losses or bad performances. This can serve a purpose, but only if it can then quickly be overcome. I find it extremely helpful when I am critiquing myself to take notes. In the moment I’m hyper aware of what made me uncomfortable, what I feel like I need to get better at, and my mentality during the performance that maybe I want to improve upon.  If I take notes immediately so I know I won’t forget, I find it is much easier to let it go.  After I decompress and we start working on our training plan, I can objectively go back to my notes and reevaluate them. I can then decide what ultimately fits in with the long term plan and will actually help us get better versus something that may have been situational and out of my control.

Meditation will also help with the acceptance of our imperfect selves. My favorite part of the practice is to surround all thoughts that may float through my mind uninvited during meditation with a flood of acceptance. Some thoughts are harder to do this with than others, but with effort and consistency this really works. 

None of this is easy, but if we can manage to avoid overreacting to our shortcomings, and maintain focus on our strengths, loving ourselves in the process, it will help us trust the process and stick with it. So this is my task moving forward, I’m three quarters of the way there and writing this blog definitely helped me work through my feelings and create a game plan for next time. That’s part of why I want to maintain this blog, it’s as much for me as it is for you. I hope you also found it helpful! And know that even if you’ve had a rough start with your resolutions, be understanding with yourself and know that there will be a learning curve, but if you stay committed to the process you will get there!

New Year, Older Yet Incrementally Better Me :)

Looking back at 2018 I’m extremely grateful for a lot of things that happened, and I’m excited to get to work building on them in 2019. Alix and I have a lot of potential to realize and I have my sights set high. I’m also looking forward to more personal development, more risk taking, and to stepping farther outside my comfort zone. I’m all about that growth!

I like the idea of setting resolutions for the new year to kickstart and/or revisit with renewed motivation the behaviors and thoughts that will lead to living our best life, but I try to avoid holding on to them too tightly. Discipline and commitment are extremely important, but if a resolution ends up feeling like the sharp edge of a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat I’m not going to force it. There’s a difference between challenging and a true lack of synchronicity, and if you’re in tune with your instinct it knows the difference between what is worth the effort and what is not.

If you have big changes to make, it will be hard, but it should feel right. One of my favorite phrases (I believe it’s from Glennon Doyle) is WE CAN DO HARD THINGS! I don’t know where this idea comes from that things should be easy, anything worth it takes work. My advice for challenging changes/resolutions is to start small.  Anything you alter in an effort to improve yourself needs to be sustainable and will eventually need to feel normal, after you’ve integrated a change you’ll need to view it as your new base line and then lean in some more. Over and over. Be patient with yourself. If you fall off the wagon, it’s ok, get back on no matter how hard you fall, it’s worth it. Truly loving yourself is treating your mind, body, and spirit in ways that will enable you to be as healthy as possible, but the journey to health is squiggly and never-ending.

My resolutions usually center on healthy eating (wah waaah), relationships, creativity, and learning. Each new year I double down on my eating habits, sometimes trying a new approach, as is the case this year. I’ve been intermittently intermittent fasting (four times a week) and thus far I really like it. I plan to do more research and continue following it’s guidelines into the new year. (More on this subject in a future blog post.)

I will continue to work on strengthening my relationships with the people who mean the most to me (my marble jar friends, for those of you who read Brené Brown). This, for me, means carving out time to spend with loved ones, even if I have to sacrifice my beloved routine to find it, and checking in when I don’t have the time to be there in person. I don’t know why, but that’s been hard for me my entire life. 

Creatively, I would like to get back to sewing. My mom taught me how to sew and it’s a pastime that makes me feel connected to her. I still have and use her sewing machine and I have piles of fabric waiting to be made into something fabulous!  And finally, I intend to be more disciplined when it comes to reading and writing.  I plan to do this by cutting out TV a few days a week, it’s amazing how productive I can be when I resist the suck of the couch and those bright flashing lights. 

I believe reading books is one of the single best things we can do for ourselves, specifically self-help books (pick up whatever speaks to you!), and books that can help us grow in our passions. I can’t imagine where I would be without the books that have landed in my lap! In conjunction, I find writing is one of the quickest ways to learn and gain clarity about yourself: what you think, how you feel, and what you really want. It’s also a creative outlet for me and I love sharing my thoughts on subjects for whoever is here to listen. 

Despite all of these “resolutions”, I’m not a big concrete goal setter. I believe in the intention to live your best life, in simply doing your best every day, and leaving the rest up to the universe. General goals are good, you need to know where you’re trying to go, but it’s important to be open to alternative routes and destinations. Life flows better and is more exciting that way. So my advice would be to set those goals, lean in, and work towards them intently, but hold on to them loosely and be open to interesting opportunities that come your way.

The one semi-concrete goal I am setting for myself, however, is to produce a weekly blog in 2019. I have fifty-two subjects selected, one focus for each week, which can be subject to change based on what is happening real time in my life. This is mainly a creative exercise I’m using to challenging myself, but if you’d like to check back in and read the fruits of this resolution you are more than welcome to do so! Thank you for reading the first one- blog #52, blog #51 is on it’s way! 

Good luck to you all with your resolutions and I hope you have a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2019!! 

Here We Go Again, Anew.

As the plane took off this morning for the Dominican Republic it marked the fourth time I will be attempting to qualify for an Olympic Games. It was one of those moments that unexpectedly fills you with the warmest gratitude. Each quad has been vastly different, as this one has been as well.

I didn’t know what would come of my partnership with Alix, I just knew she possessed qualities that I value, that her motivation was right, and that she’d work her butt off, which has all held consistent, and no doubt will continue to. But because Alix had zero points we started at the bottom, in the country quota, and didn’t know where we’d go from there. It’s been astonishing to see how much better Alix has gotten, and how quickly. It’s as if her learning curve is backwards, she just keeps getting better, faster. And it’s really rewarding for me to be apart of that. I always said after Rio I wanted to help someone new develop their game and one way or another it came to fruition and I am grateful for that (and I love how it proves how powerful the Universe can be).
We are now starting again, however. This tournament (NORCECA Championships) will be our first Olympic qualification event, followed by two FIVB 4 Stars; one in Yangzhou, China and one in Las Vegas. We’ve put ourselves in a good jumping off position, which was what the majority of this year was about, but now the hard work starts.
At the same time, the longer I play the more fun it gets. For a long time I played through doubt and stress and fear. I often felt like my life depended on success, that I would be an overall failure and let my partner and everyone around me down if I didn’t play well and win. This wasn’t a debilitating thought obviously, and I actually mistakenly believed it served me, driving me to perform, but WOW did it cause major burn out and fleeting satisfaction. So I made a commitment at the beginning of this quad that I would play for me. By that I mean I would strictly believe in myself and play with confidence, I would look at my mistakes objectively to learn the lesson and then move on (point by point, match by match, event to event), I would not let it affect how I thought about myself as a player or person. I made myself understand that at this point in my career I deserve at least that much. I surrounded myself with people I respect and love, to collaboratively create our #ATeam. I committed to viewing every event as an opportunity for our team to get better and just see how good we can be. It has made all the difference. There are still ups and downs and major frustrations, but I finally feel well equipped to deal with them and fully enjoy the highs. And I am happy.
As this process starts I am prepared for more ups and downs, but it feels great to be all in with my #ATeam no matter what, committed to learning, doing the best we can, and having fun. I hope you’ll join us, cheer for us, and follow along!

New York

I used to hate this place. I’ve visited periodically throughout my life, the first time in high school with my family for a vacation.  We stayed in New Jersey and took the train in to sight-see and did all the … Continue reading

#Goals

I know goal setting is a big thing right now, being that it’s early January, so I thought I would share my experiences with it. Every year I would make resolutions, but just recently I started setting goals in volleyball. … Continue reading